I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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