So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
