Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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