Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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