Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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