The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
