I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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