If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
