smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
operation have a gay friend backfired
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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