People in love make me want to vomit
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
