i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
