She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
love makes seman taste better
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize