so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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