you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
