Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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