just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
