you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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