sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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