I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
