No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i will never coherently bang her
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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