i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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