The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
