Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize