i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
