he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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