I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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