why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
