Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
