some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
