is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
