South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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