I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
