Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
