Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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