i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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