You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
