After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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