Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
