im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
