call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
how does that bad decision feel?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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