sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
