I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You can't special order awesome
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
