I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize