And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
