I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
