That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
