idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
