We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
