maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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