Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
