maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
