I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
