ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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