I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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