Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize