that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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