Can Purell be used as lube?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
