hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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