you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My feet surprised me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
