Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
