I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
