My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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