Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
